Month: April 2015

For the love of a dentist…

Of all the people I expected to mourn in my lifetime, I never expected it to be our dentist.

Dr. Jeffrey Files was our dentist for almost 10 years. His office was where our family visited two or more times a year from when my youngest was 4 1/2 until when he was 15. For our younger son, it was the only dentist he knew. His office was always a happy, safe place to go, no matter why we were visiting.

The dentist I grew up with, I thought he was a vampire and so I was determined to find someone my boys would not fear, the universe delivered Dr. Files. Little did I know he would become like one of those amazing teachers- never to be rivaled again.

We are grieving, for a friend, for someone who cared for our family, intimately and with so much love for over 10 years. His care saw us through many seasons of our life, little did we know we would be part of the last season of his, but not completely.

Once Dr. Files stopped treating patients he deteriorated quickly and we did not see him during his last year. Lou Gehrig’s disease is one which normally takes its time, not with Dr. Files. It seemed such a cruel diagnosis for someone who had given so much for so long.

We still cannot believe he is gone and I regularly cry with my youngest because we did not get to say goodbye and we simply miss seeing him. He loved his patients like family. How could someone who poured SO much love into his patients and his life be taken? He deserved to stay! The thought of the his kids he loved so much, say nothing of his wonderful wife, continuing without him. I can only imagine the chasm they are left with if we still grieve like this.

The stories we tell ourselves.

We move through our worlds and all the while, tell ourselves our story. Have you ever had a moment where one of your stories changed?

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The other day one of my stories changed. It was a story, that I got to unpack it with the other person who had lived it. The events had held resentment and pain. Once unpacked, in safety, in the light of day so to speak, the pain seemed to simply dissipate, like fog in the sun. I feel so profoundly healed to have heard things I knew confirmed, and things I had wrong, cleared up.

I realize we all go through this life doing our best and when things happen we just keep going, adding to our story. Have you ever thought of your story and how it intertwines with all those around you?

My conversation today with an old friend, who unraveled some of a shared story with me today was amazing and healing on so many levels. Calling that person you know, who you care about but may have hurt, takes guts. Finding laughter and healing on the other end of a tough conversation is truly beautiful and such a gift.


The scent of fire


The scent of fire,

Beach fire, burning, hissing,

wet and hot all at the same time.

Water boils from the logs,      images-1

they heat up and burn all at once.

The scent of the ocean,

the sound of the dogs dragging rocks around the beach.

Airplane fuel, halting laugh,

the sting of the sand as the helicopter lands on the beach.

Watching the fire get doused by the incoming tide,

safe in a blanket on grandma’s deck.

Squirrels bombing us with green pinecones

as we played in the woods, on the way to John’s Beach, so far away.

Concrete tube on the beach, half hidden in the sand, coated on the inside with mussels, play ’til the tide comes back in.

Singing by the beach fire,

laughing and playing as the sun goes down,  it’s 1 a.m.

in July the sun doesn’t go down for long…